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Why are the most important discoveries in life accidental? This is siham. And what once was thought to be a single piss-poor decision has blossomed into a pattern of serious mental dysfunction.

Apologies to all the competition out there: pieallthetime not only locked down the entire Mountain Dew demographic, but she's done it with such precision I'm actually impressed.

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Let's just be glad this learning experience was made possible without the assistance of Czechoslovakian accents, and a petting zoo. You don't want to see the things I've seen man.

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Historical tone deaf unawareness c. Whatever final form Madonna has decided to mutate into. In other words - Three things to make your quarantine just a little bit worse.

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Now when porn wants to get the attention from the general public, they push envelopes far enough to scare even me.

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At first I was like cool, another fake video I'm exposing my White Snake loincloth too Hit me up Rosetta Stone. The average Becky wouldn't be caught in a Burger King drivethru at night without marathoning 20 minutes of YouTube makeup tutorials.

And then there's this powerhouse: Who ran out of fucks to give somewhere between the 3rd and 4th lung surgery. That was the plan up until Zazu used all of his Rosetta Stone credits on the Jack Sparrow of punani tsunamis.

The result is an unexpected comedy duo, the likes of Seth Rogan would be hired to voice-over in the theatrical release.

Why are the most important discoveries in life accidental? This is siham. And what once was thought to be a single piss-poor decision has blossomed into a pattern of serious mental dysfunction.

Apologies to all the competition out there: pieallthetime not only locked down the entire Mountain Dew demographic, but she's done it with such precision I'm actually impressed.

Enjoy your participation trophy nerds. No, seriously don't. Every once in a while pornography life overlaps into real life lessons. Let's just be glad this learning experience was made possible without the assistance of Czechoslovakian accents, and a petting zoo.

You don't want to see the things I've seen man. Imagine challenging a man that has more performance trophies for his penis than you do for participating in mimosa day at Becky's Brunchonette and expecting to come out on top.

Lady, there's only one person to blame here - and it's not the one who has the accent of a second-string Simpsons character. Times are tough man.

You can try timing a drop in the market, or you can actually get something out of that stimulus check by signing up here.

It's basically guaranteed Return on Erection and you'd be helping Efukt. Homing in on the clip anniversary of offensive sexual acts among a global pandemic, and yet I remain hopeful.

I mean hopeful that people in quarantine will continue to produce more reprehensible content than a Harvey Weinstein video library, not the Covid stuff - we're fucked.

Like the guy in the first clip: Fap until it goes dark. Today's spread: a. Famous fucktwats trying to cope with lack of attention b.

Historical tone deaf unawareness c. Whatever final form Madonna has decided to mutate into. In other words - Three things to make your quarantine just a little bit worse.

This feat of pure sphincter talent took years of blood, sweat and tears all culminating to this moment. Captured on webcam and entered into the historical archives for your enjoyment.

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Now when porn wants to get the attention from the general public, they push envelopes far enough to scare even me. The year is This girl's back alley clambake video is running on every damn advertisement on every porn website in the fucking world.

Now, 13 years later you finally have 22 minutes worth of reason to cum on your Nickleback tour hoodie. Want proof that that carrying debt around in your twenties is dangerous?

Look no further my stimulus-packed friends. Meet Natalie Brooks. A special kind of girl that clearly needs more than one demonstration to learn her fucking lesson.

Apparently in between marathoning episodes of Metaloclypse, they participate in community services. A Cardi B cocktail, Walmart toilet seats and discounted Rice-a-Roni at a swap meat: All things I'd commit to before slapping a ring on the talons of one of these harpies.

Japanese girl destroys physics and my expectations of all sub lb females at the same damn time. I officially want to be the first American to lend our "Home of the Brave" slogan out to Eastern Asia.

Azumi just earned her badge of courage. If not for this award-winning acting clinic, then for that special my mom taught me how to do this sexual prowess you just don't see anymore.

Sure - you could be some cookie cutter piss sickening wannabe and slingshot your muffin butter onto your girl's face. Or even the neighbor's litter box perhaps.

But only a real man would dare take the road less traveled. Example: This king. Nothing says "committed relationship" like turning your girlfriend's dirty octopus into a wonderful mistake.

Typical millennial. Don't be misled by the Victoria's Secret attire and willingness to film.

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